


Restless

by devil_wears_winchester (Joyd)



Series: 30 Days of Bucky Barnes [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 30 day challenge, Gen, Insomnia, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:36:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1600145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyd/pseuds/devil_wears_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes has a lot of issues to work through now that he has his freedom, but it isn't as easy as talking it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restless

Sometimes, it feels like his legs are going to vibrate right off, or that he’s going to wear a hole in his sheets tossing and turning all night long. At times, it’s all he can do not to walk out the door and not stop until he can’t go anymore. 70 years of having no freedom whatsoever, of going where he was told and being on ice between missions, and now that he has his freedom, he doesn’t know what to _do with it_.

He paces his floor all night long at times, the silence -as silent as NYC gets, at any rate- and stillness drive him mad. Memories he’s already regained, but hasn’t thought about at all, play behind his eyelids and keep him up for hours, memories of assassinations and being in the trenches looping and interweaving endlessly. They make up a thick blanket of pain, fear and blood, bordered with memories of Steve and Brooklyn, of keeping Steve alive despite fights and sickness. 

His hands curl and clench for the grip of a knife or the butt of a gun, curling _just so_ even when sitting relaxed in his lap. He hears voices that aren’t there in the quiet, catches movement in the corner of his eyes when he’s alone, and feels eyes on him when he’s sitting still for too long. 

The restlessness drives him to destroy more punching bags in one sitting than he’s seen in his life -lives, even. He goes running, clocks more miles than he’s traveled under his own power since having to walk every-damn-place in Bucky’s lifetime. Sees more of NYC than he ever has, even when he knew back alleys and docks and bars like the back of his hand. 

Sometimes, rare times, he feels so restless and itchy and aching to move that he thinks about going to a bar or traipsing through the most awful of places just to start something. Seriously considers it, but always backs off and does something - _anything_ \- else, destroys punching bags, jogs until his lungs burn like he’s inhaled acid, _anything_ except what he desperately, desperately wants to do. 

Steve, if he notices, never mentions it. And that is, quite possibly, worse than the aching of the bones in his legs and arm at their most restless.

**Author's Note:**

> I may or may not upload all the ones I've failed to upload these last few days, depends on how much time I have.  
> If you see any mistakes and such, lemme know.


End file.
